Be Safe
by akatsuki-chan
Summary: Sirius didn’t love him any more. The thought, there in the recesses of his mind for quite some time now, hit him like a brick to the temple.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is a slash one shot. There's very light male/male sex – if it can even be called that.

* * *

Remus was still panting from climax when Sirius slid out of him, rolling over so that his back was to him. Remus followed his movements with his eyes, eventually turning his head to stare at his lover's back.

Slowly he let his legs slide down until they were flat against the mattress. When it became apparent after several minutes of staring at the ceiling that Sirius was intending to go to sleep, Remus rolled over as well, and tried to keep from shaking.

He couldn't pinpoint exactly when it had become like this. Couldn't remember when the tender touches and _I love you_s – so very common even when they were seventeen – had stopped. He had no idea when they stopped falling asleep curled up together, all tangled limbs and soft smiles. He couldn't say when they had crossed that line from making love to fucking.

He couldn't remember the last time they'd kissed.

Everything was falling apart. More and more people were dying everyday. James and Lily would soon be going into hiding. Voldemort was becoming so powerful. Too powerful. Remus received owls every week offering him "freedom from unfair werewolf restrictions" if he would join "the cause."

He burned every one.

Sirius didn't love him any more. The thought, there in the recesses of his mind for quite some time now, hit him like a brick to the temple. He'd finally realized what Remus had always been afraid of – he was wasting his life with a werewolf with no prospects.

Remus knew he should ask. Should just calmly say, "Sirius, you don't love me anymore, do you?" And then it would be out in the open.

But he couldn't. Even though he knew the answer, he was afraid of it – terrified to hear that "No," spoken aloud.

Swallowing around the lump that had formed in his throat, Remus struggled against the tears he could feel pricking his eyes.

"Remus?"

Remus started, unsure if it was because he'd thought Sirius was asleep, or because he was surprised he was speaking to him at all. It took him a moment to respond as he tried to get a hold of himself. "Yes?" His voice had a hoarse quality to it that Sirius was sure to recognize. He'd heard Remus pretend he wasn't crying enough times since they'd known each other.

There was a hesitant pause. "Are you all right?"

"Yes." He wasn't sure he could steadily get out more than a one word phrase.

Sirius said nothing else. It was a sign of how things had changed. Once, Sirius would have told him he was a terrible liar and made Remus tell him what was wrong. He would have wrapped his arms around him and held him close.

Now, he didn't even roll over.

Remus blinked when Sirius spoke again, having thought the conversation was over.

"I'm going to be their Secret Keeper."

Remus froze, his heart clenching with fear. It didn't surprise him, but he couldn't help the sudden panic that filled him.

"Couldn't… there's no one else?"

It was the wrong thing to say. Sirius sat up, and Remus could feel his eyes glaring at him.

"No, Remus," he snapped. "And even if there was, I wouldn't trust anyone else to do it."

Remus kept his back to him. "You're making yourself a target," he said weakly. He loved James and Lily and Harry. But Sirius was his lover. His life. Even if he wasn't Sirius' anymore. He couldn't help but be afraid for him.

"So what, you think I should let Prongs and Lils and _Harry_ be targets instead?"

"No," Remus said, and he was crying again. "They're going to know. Everyone will know it's you. And then they'll capture you and torture you to get the location."

"I'd die before giving it to them!" Sirius exclaimed angrily, clearly misinterpreting Remus' concern.

"I know!" Remus burst out, sitting up too and burying his face in his hands. "I know that," he repeated, voice muffled. "That's what I'm afraid of." His shoulders shook.

Sirius fell silent and Remus didn't look up for a long time. When he did, Sirius was staring at him, an oddly unsure expression on his face. In the light of the moon streaming through the window, Remus was surprised to see that his eyes were over-bright.

"Moony…" he said, using Remus' nickname for the first time in months.

"Let me do it," Remus said, unsure where the idea even came from. Remus could save Lily, James, and Harry and keep Sirius safe in the process. Sirius didn't care about him anymore, not like Remus cared about Sirius – it was the perfect solution.

But at the words, Sirius closed down, his expression turning dark. "No."

"Padfoot, please—"

"No, Remus." Sirius slid from the bed suddenly, going over to the wardrobe and pulling out clothes. Remus watched in confusion as he dressed.

"Where are you going?" he asked softly.

"I have some things I need to do before we cast the charm tomorrow."

"Tomorrow…" Remus said, trailing off. That was it then. There was no discussing it. He didn't get the feeling he was invited, and he supposed that meant it would likely be a long time before he saw James and his family again.

Sirius headed for the door.

"Be safe," Remus said, his head down and staring at the bedspread. Sirius paused, his back to him. "Tell them that too, will you?"

Eventually, Sirius gave a little nod, and continued from the room. Remus listened until he heard the front door to the flat close.

"Be safe."


	2. Chapter 2

_This story was originally a one shot, but upon rereading it, I really wanted to tackle what Sirius must have felt upon that moment of realization. Mentions of slash, but nothing graphic. _

* * *

What a fool he'd been.

How? How could he have made such a colossal mistake?

One of the cleverest boys in school. That's what everyone had always said. And yet, when it counted – and not just this time, but _any_ time it truly counted – he always became an idiot. A dangerous quality.

Remus.

How could he have _ever—_

Stumbling out of the rubble of the Potter's house, away from the unmoving body of his best friend – no his brother – Sirius looked around wildly, as if Remus would be there waiting for him, shaking his head in disappointment.

There was no one. Hagrid had flown off with his motorbike and Harry and the rest of the street was silent.

How could he have _ever_—

He apparated back to the flat. He needed to see Remus. James and Lily were dead, and it was his own fault. He'd handed them over without even realizing it. All because he was too much of an idiot to trust the only person in the world that he should have trusted.

"_Let me do it." _

That's what Remus had said. Sirius stomach lurched and he tripped his way to the trash bin, where he proceeded to retch up all the food he'd eaten that day. He'd been so sure. So sure that those words meant that Remus was the enemy. That he was trying to get the information to give to Voldemort.

Instead, Remus had been trying to protect him. To keep him from harm's way, and protect James, Lily, and Harry at the same time.

How could he have _ever—_

"Remus!" he called, once his stomach was empty. "Moony!"

Silence greeted him and at once Sirius remembered why. He had told him, only a few hours ago, that their relationship wasn't working, and he expected Remus to clear out. Then he'd left. Jumped onto his bike and gone to see Peter, because Remus had looked very much like he was ready to cry, and Sirius had felt sick. He'd needed to see a friend, and James… well James was in hiding, and not even Sirius could get to him.

But Peter wasn't there. And slowly, far too slowly, Sirius had realized why.

Now, for the second time that evening, an icy dread seeped through him.

He hastily stumbled into each room of the flat, looking for Remus. Bookshelves were empty in the living room, the tea kettle – Remus's tea kettle – was no longer on the stove. He threw open the wardrobe, only to find that half of it was empty.

Remus had cleared out. Just as Sirius had told him to.

How could he have _ever_—

Where? Where would he even have gone? What kind of monster was Sirius? Remus worked at the library. He was barely scraping together enough money to manage sharing expenses with him. What was Sirius thinking, throwing him out?

He looked around, suddenly helpless, and his eyes fell on the framed picture sitting on the nightstand. It was Remus's, but it had always been one of Sirius's favorites. Remus had left it for him. He picked it up with trembling hands.

It was the four of them, back at school. Sirius had his arm slung around Remus's shoulders, and the tawny haired boy was giving him that quiet smile that Sirius loved so much. James suddenly tackled Sirius and the two of them began to wrestle, Remus rolled his eyes and stepped over them both, and Peter was standing to the side, laughing nervously.

Sirius's eyes fixed on the small round boy.

Peter.

He set the picture down, straightening as red hot rage began to fill him. Peter had been the spy this whole time. Peter, who had sat beside him sympathetically while Sirius had told him, James and Lily his suspicions of Remus.

How could he have _ever _thought that Remus would betray them?

Sirius had fucked everything up with his stupidity. Now he'd fix it.

How could he have _ever _trusted that rat?


End file.
